One step closer, I have died every day, waiting for you. Darling don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years; I’ll love you for a thousand more. And all along I believed, I would find you, Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years, I’ll love you for a thousand more. (A Thousand Years, Christina Perri)
Our journey to become parents started in 2015 when following numerous tests we were told we had unexplained infertility. And so we began our long IVF journey. Our first cycle was unsuccessful but we were so happy when we became pregnant on our second round. Sadly at 7 weeks there was no heartbeat. Our next attempt was the same and we got to 7 weeks again until our baby’s heart stopped beating. Just before we got to start IVF number 4 we got pregnant naturally. Amazing! This felt like our little miracle. And when we got to see our beautiful baby’s heart beating….it felt like our dreams were coming through. Sadly at 9 weeks our baby’s heart stopped beating and following a d and c we found out it was a partial molar pregnancy. Cue weekly blood tests to check my HCG levels were dropping. My body still thought it was pregnant but cruelly it wasn’t.
Due to the risk of another molar pregnancy we decided we would try ICSI – a form of IVF and we would put in two embryos this time to try increase our chances. We were desperate to be parents. We have so much love to give, every decision we have made together was for a future filled with children. We bought a house with a front and back garden in a cul de sac with a park down the road and a school in the estate. We were so ready and all we were waiting for was a precious baby to love. So this time we had lots of scans, for the first time we made it to the magical 3 month scan and we got to tell people it was twins. It felt amazing, double the joy! Terrifying but magical all at once! When we got to share our good news, everyone was so happy for us and we dared to dream. But then at 22 weeks, 6 days our World came crashing down. I went into premature labour and our babies were coming too soon. Poor baby Liam died just as he was being born. Our baby girl Grace spent 31 precious minutes breathing on her mammy’s chest before she joined her big brother. Although I think my heart broke at this time it was also the most wonderful, special and happy time of my entire life. We were a Mammy and Daddy to the two most beautiful, perfect children I have ever seen. I couldn’t stop smiling. They were both so perfect, perfect in every way except they were dead.
My dreams came true because of you. From this moment, As long as I live, I will love you, I promise you this, There is nothing I wouldn’t give, From this moment, I will love you, As long as I live, From this moment on. (From this Moment On, Shania Twain)
The Warrior and the Princess 